It’s a new year and that means it’s time for new resolutions and recalibrations to achieve your best life. If you’re single, one of those goals might be to find love. If finding an ideal candidate and creating your dream relationship eluded you in 2022, that could all change in 2023. Many people are familiar with the fair-weather or failed new year resolutions. Fair-weather resolutions only last if they are convenient but real change typically isn’t convenient. Failed resolutions are misdirected and consequently don’t produce the intended results. Thus, understanding how to stick with your resolutions and aiming them correctly are crucial to achieving your goals.
To help all my singles out there seeking love in the new year, I have interviewed the authority on love and habits, or the habits of love!
Meet Brandan Rader, M.S.
Brandan Rader is an award-winning psychological researcher who has extensively investigated habit formation and interpersonal relationships. In addition to his background in the psychology of love and habits, Brandan is an award-winning, celebrity dating coach and matchmaker. Notably, he is the only dating coach and matchmaker who is also an official psychological researcher. This combination gives him an incomparable insight into the types of behaviors that attract love. Not only does Brandan have the credentials and experience but he has the personal proof. He has been in a committed 12-year relationship with educational administrator and diversity leader, Micah Porter.
Now, let’s get to the good stuff, Brandan’s tips to attract love in 2023.
Brandan addresses how to stick with resolutions, “To make resolutions stick, people must approach them in a way that shifts them from an abstract goal into a lifestyle habit. For that to happen, the resolution must be a measurable behavior. For example: A person shouldn’t resolve to let more love into their life, they should commit to going on one-date per week. The difference is that one is an abstract goal and the other is a measurable behavior. This measurable behavior must be performed anywhere from 18 to 254 days depending on the complexity of the behavior. On average, habit formation takes about 66-days.”
But what happens when life gets in the way?
Brandan says,” Most people commit to their new year resolutions for about 30-days before cessation because they are too quixotic. To help ensure the behavior sticks, it must be integrated in a realistic way. For example: It might be tempting to make the resolutions of two-dates per week because a person wants to get into a relationship fast but if two-dates is not sustainable it’s more likely to falter. If one-date per week is more realistic, commit to that. It might take longer, but it has a higher chance of success since it’s realistic.”
How do you prevent your resolutions from failing?
According to Brandan, “Even if a person makes the shift from goal to habit, that does not guarantee it will produce the desired outcome. Therefore, it is essential to ensure the behaviors truly effectuate to desired results. For example: Going on one-date per week won’t necessarily invite more love into someone’s life. They may need to augment that with the behavior of identifying one thing they genuinely love (or even like) about their date and tell them what it is on the date. For example: If they love that their date seems family oriented. On the date, tell them. The best way to invite more love into one’s life is to be vulnerable and focus on things you love.”
What should your behaviors be in 2023?
Brandan suggests the following three:
- Commit to one-date per week
- Be vulnerable and release the fear of rejection by telling people what you love (or like) about them even if you don’t know how they feel about you
- Use my “4-Date Formula” which has a 90% success rate
To get more amazing tips on how to attract love in the new year, follow Brandan on Instagram at @BrandanRaderOfficial or TikTok at @PsychedAboutYou. If you are truly ready to attract love, consider hiring him for one-on-one coaching or matchmaking via his website https://www.brandanrader.com/.